Welcome to Part 1 of my Gastric Surgery Prep Essentials series. I’m Jay – a sarcastic Gen X British/Australian documenting my journey through a gastric bypass revision. If you’re expecting a fluffy, rose-coloured guide, buckle up. I’ve waded through a swamp of “must-have” lists and discovered most of it is absolute bollocks. 😜 Instead, here’s the no-BS stuff that actually made a difference in my surgery prep. Consider this the real survival kit from someone who’s living it. Let’s dive into three things that actually helped me survive the chaos of surgery prep (and maybe saved my taste buds and sanity along the way). This isn’t fluffy influencer content — just real talk from someone who’s been there, done that, and blended the shakes.
1. Invest in a Decent Blender (Loud but Worth It)
First on the list: a kickass blender. Yes, seriously. If you’re about to endure six weeks of nothing but liquids (cheers to the pre-op diet 🙄), you’ll want a blender that can pulverise anything. I’m talking crushing ice into snow and obliterating protein powder lumps like a champ. I shelled out for the NutriBullet Select 1000W Blender and it was worth every penny.
Is it loud enough to wake the neighbours? Absolutely. Does it sound like a jet engine in my kitchen? You bet (sorry, ears!). But the thing turns boring shakes into frosty frappé concoctions that are almost enjoyable. When you’re on your 47th meal replacement, trust me — texture and temperature are everything.
2. Optislim Shakes & Bars (Forget Optifast, Save Your Money)
Let’s talk Very Low Calorie Diet (VLCD) shakes. The hospital might sing praises of Optifast, but I’m here to tell you about its less famous sibling: Optislim. In a battle of Optislim vs Optifast, my vote goes to Optislim every time. Why? Because I’m not made of money and Optifast is priced like it’s mixed with gold dust.
I also bought the Optislim bars — and that was a game-changer. Sometimes you just want to chew something. Drinking your meals gets old fast, so having a bar now and then gave me a bit of texture, satisfaction, and the illusion of real food. Highly recommend adding them into the mix.
Now… Aldi bars? I tried them too. Vile. Absolutely not. Chalky, weird aftertaste, and one bite in I was questioning my life choices. Just don’t.
And here’s the part no one tells you:
As long as it’s part of a VLCD (Very Low Calorie Diet), it counts. You don’t have to be loyal to one brand. You can mix and match shakes, soups, bars, desserts — whatever works — across brands like Optislim, Tony Ferguson, Aldi (if you dare), etc. The goal is to shrink your liver, not earn brand points.
So if it’s VLCD-compliant and not disgusting? Go for it.
3. A Good Book – The Complete Guide to Weight Loss Surgery
Yes, I’m actually suggesting you read a book. Shocking, I know. But not just any book – I mean The Complete Guide to Weight Loss Surgery: Your Questions Finally Answered by Lisa Kaouk and Monica Bashaw. It turned out to be genuinely helpful — not some fluffy “you got this!” thing, but practical, stage-by-stage info that actually makes sense when your brain is fried from pre-op stress and protein overload.
What made it great? It wasn’t just about food or surgery. It tackled the psychological side, too — the head games, the identity shifts, the emotional stuff that no one really warns you about. It was honest, relatable, and didn’t sugarcoat the experience. I found myself highlighting sections and muttering “finally, someone said it!”
If you’re the kind of person who likes to know what’s really coming — and maybe laugh along the way — this book’s a solid pick.
Wrapping Up (Stay Tuned for Part 2)
That’s it for Part 1 of my Gastric Surgery Prep Essentials – the three things I’d personally shove into your hands if you told me you’re getting bariatric surgery. No BS, just practical stuff that helped this sarcastic, middle-aged bloke survive the prep stage with sanity (mostly) intact.
Feeling a bit more prepared? I hope so. And hey, this is just the beginning. I’ve got plenty more real-life tips, hard-learned lessons, and candid truths to share. In the next instalment (Part 2), I’ll dive into more of the weirdly useful and totally unglamorous stuff you’ll want to know before going under the knife.
Trust me, I’m not holding back – if it sucked, I’ll say so, and if it helped, I’ll sing its praises.
So stay tuned. Part 2 is coming soon with more of Jay’s no-filter advice on navigating this gastric surgery journey. Until then, hang in there, keep your sense of humour handy, and remember: you’re doing this to change your life. The least you deserve is some honest, relatable advice along the way. 😉 Catch you in the next post!
Bariatric Revision Journey 